


always there

by Lewdsuke



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, Obi-Wan Kenobi Gets a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Sad Ending, if you know what i mean, not much plot just sad obi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:56:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27132139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lewdsuke/pseuds/Lewdsuke
Summary: Qui-Gon's voice was soft, but deep, enough that Obi-Wan could feel the rumbling of it as he clutched at his master's robes. He opened his mouth, but no words came out, only another quiet round of sobs."I'm sorry, master, I can't help but feel that... that I'm not worthy to be your apprentice. I fear that I will disappoint you."
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 61





	always there

"Relax, padawan. There's no need for you to be afraid." Qui-Gon's voice was soft, but deep, enough that Obi-Wan could feel the rumbling of it as he clutched at his master's robes. He opened his mouth, but no words came out, only another quiet round of sobs.

Qui-Gon didn't seem to mind the tears soaking into his clothes, or the way Obi-Wan would pull his hair on accident when he shifted positions. He simply held his apprentice closer, pressing his cheek to the boy's head.

"I'm sorry, master," came a muffled voice after a while.

"What do you have to be sorry for, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon wondered, his embrace not loosening, not until Obi-Wan was ready to let go.

There was strained breath as his apprentice struggled to form any coherent statements. Eventually, he replied, "On our last mission, again I, I misinterpreted your directions a-and put us both in danger."

"The fault is not yours," Qui-Gon assured, rubbing the boy's back gently, "I should have been more clear, and I was not as focused as I should have been."

Obi-Wan frantically shook his head into his master's chest, "You don't have to lie to make me feel better, master."

Deep down, Qui-Gon knew that he wasn't being entirely truthful with his padawan. He had told Obi-Wan to 'get the doors,' thinking it perfectly obvious that he meant for him to handle the attackers at the doors, and not destroy the controls and cause even more chaos. It was a clear miscommunication that had annoyed Qui-Gon in the moment, wondering how Obi-Wan could have possibly misunderstood the simple directions.

It was a moment of weakness for them both, but Obi-Wan ended up being the one to pay for it. "I'm not lying. We both messed up, I don't blame you for that. And most importantly, we're both safe."

"But—"

"No buts, padawan."

Obi-Wan didn't respond, just wrapped his arms around Qui-Gon's chest, basking in the warmth his master offered him. Most Jedi did not show such affection towards one another, too afraid of the attachments from which they had been forbidden. Fortunately for Obi-Wan, his master was not the most conventional Jedi.

"I can still sense turmoil in you, padawan. What is on your mind?"

Obi-Wan swallowed his nerves, putting his trust in his master, "I'm sorry, master, I can't help but feel that... that I'm not worthy to be your apprentice. I fear that I will disappoint you."

Qui-Gon's heart ached at the confession, and he threaded his hand into Obi-Wan's short hair, "I could never be disappointed in you, Obi-Wan. There is no doubt in my mind that you are more worthy to be a Jedi than any. And... if you truly feel otherwise, then it would be as a result of my failure as your teacher."

"That's not true, master," Obi-Wan muttered, but even so, his muscles began to relax as Qui-Gon comforted him.

While he watched his padawan take deep breaths, striving to calm himself, Qui-Gon felt a twinge of irritation at the Jedi Order. Because of the way that they were taught, the mental health of Jedi, especially younglings and padawans, was often overlooked. Rather then offering help, they were told to meditate and release their feelings into the Force. It was one of the many things Qui-Gon disagreed with the council on.

Although being Force-sensitive often offered a peace of mind not everyone had access to, no one was immune to the poisons of the mind.

For now, all Qui-Gon could do was hold his padawan tenderly in his arms and reassure him for as long as he needed.

\---

Anxiety.

Ever since Qui-Gon had first described this word to him, Obi-Wan knew that it was definitely the word to define his worst affliction.

And that's what he thinks about as he sits alone in his quarters, just having got out of the refresher after losing yet another planet to the Separatists and having to flee. That's what he thinks about as he closes his eyes, remembering each and every soldier and bystander he had failed to save. He could have saved them, if he'd just  _ tried harder. _

There was a knock on the door, "Master?" Obi-Wan's chest tightens, seeing as he's been caught in a vulnerable state by his old padawan yet again. It's like he can sense the moment his former master starts to break. Why does this always happen? He should have it under control by now, at least enough to hide it from Anakin.

"Master? I'm coming in," Obi-Wan realizes too late that he had forgotten to respond. The door swishes open and Anakin steps in, quickly closing it behind him. He hurries to the bed and sits beside his master, "Is it... the anxiety?" Anakin asks tentatively.

Obi-Wan grits his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut, then nods his head slowly. He leans forward where he sits, curling into himself as he wrenches his hands together, willing the tears in eyes to stay there, to _not_ fall.

Without a word, Anakin puts one arm across Obi-Wan's back, the other hand reaching for his hands which were tightly clasped together. As much as he wants to resist, Obi-Wan lets his former padawan hold him. Slowly, he allows himself to lean into the touch, holding Anakin's hand in both of his and lifting them up just enough so that he can press them against his forehead. The younger man is quiet, rubbing circles on his back.

"I'm sorry, Anakin," he whispers weakly, ashamed to have to rely on the other like this.

"Don't be, master. I'll  _always_ be here for you," Anakin responds, eyes downcast as he watches his former master, no, his friend, tremble beside him.

Obi-Wan chokes, desperately trying to hold in a sob. The comment makes him think about the way he should've been there for his men, for the people who couldn't protect themselves, and for countless other people in his life. For Qui-Gon, and for Satine, and for Ahsoka, and for Anakin, when he watched his own apprentice walk away from the Order, betrayed by her home. The feelings well up inside of Obi-Wan until it's too much, hot tears streaming down his face.

"Talk to me, Obi-Wan," Anakin says, as if warning him from falling too far into his own thoughts.

"When... When will this war end?" Obi-Wan asks, his voice still barely above a whisper, fearing it may fail him if he tries to speak any louder.

"Soon. I'm sure of it," Anakin replies confidently.

"But, what have we accomplished? What have the Jedi become? I fear we will never escape the war at this point," he admits.

Anakin flinches, but remains steadfast, "You shouldn't think like that, master. We've saved dozens of systems from the tyranny of the Separatists, countless lives from being enslaved by Dooku," he reminds him.

Obi-Wan nods, despite knowing full well that even _that_ cannot distract him from the people and the planets they  _haven't_ saved. "You're right, Anakin. I'm sorry. I'm just... tired. I saw too many good men die today."

Anakin pulls Obi-Wan into a hug at that moment, surrounding him in his arms and gingerly combing his hair with his hands, just as Qui-Gon used to. "We'll get through this, Obi-Wan. You don't have to face this alone."

Even as he relaxes into the touch, Obi-Wan can't stop the impending sense of dread that seems to be hanging over him. As Anakin's curly hair brushes against his skin, he realizes that, no matter how long this war lasts, he'll be fine as long Anakin is with him.

Everyday, Obi-Wan sees good people, both friends and strangers, lose their lives in this conflict. And yet, nothing hurts more than the thought of losing Anakin. He dreads nothing more than the thought that he could lose his friend to this horrendous war.

And as Obi-Wan smiles at Anakin, moments before he leaves to fight General Grievous, he feels that same anxiety crawling through his skin, creeping into his mind, telling him to _stay_ with his former padawan. Anakin's apprehension to spy on the chancellor is transparent, but Obi-Wan smiles at him, proud of the man Anakin has become, and telling himself that his brother would never let him down.

He never has.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it through the angst :)
> 
> I wrote this in my own moment of weakness, because I find the relationship of these guys to be very comforting and I love writing about them, especially Qui-Gon. Leave a comment or kudos is you enjoyed it <3
> 
> If anyone is wondering, yes, the part in the beginning is based off of "Star Wars: Master & Apprentice" by Claudia Gray


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